Fight on…

A Burden

I live under the weight of a burden.
A burden so heavy, that it has crushed my true existence
It has obliterated me.

And instead, another exists
Which is not me, not truly
But a shadow, a false self,
which exists to carry the burden
Just for the sake of it.

And every now and then
My obliterated self tries to revive itself
But as soon as it does
It experiences such pain being pressed down by the burden
That it dies once again.

And I wonder, if all my life
Is going to be this fight to revive my true self
Sometimes, I feel like giving up
And let the other self, the false self, exist

But the true one tries again
It fights, it fights, it fights on…

Self reflection or What Does a Diamond Mean

Self reflection or What a diamond means

I saw her diamond ring
And its edges and brightness pricked my soul

As I heard the cries of thousands of mothers
Who have lost their sons to the black depths of mines
And those wives, and husbands who lost each other so that another rich couple could show off their marriage, their status

Do we need a ring to be married?
Does a diamond mean that we love each other?
Is what others think about us so important?
Do they even know that the profits made will be spent to fund civil wars?

I almost feel a sense of hatred towards refraction
And I feel sorry that humanity is burnt to ash and buried in a stone’s shine
And I plead for self reflection

What does a diamond mean?

Let Us Not Wait For Death

Let us not wait for death
Let us run towards it with arms wide open
For the flower that fades, first blooms
Let us sprint towards it, on our toes
As Bolt does towards the finish line
Let us fly towards it with our wings flapping vigorously
As Icarus did towards the sun
Let us rage against it
As Gandhi did against violence
Let us revolt against it
As the queen of Jhansi did against the Raj
Let us smile at it
As a lover does at its love
Let us not wait for death to come and claim our lives
Let us claim it with glory and in style
Let us rule over it
And leave our mark in eternity
Let us die with such greatness
That even after we are dead, our deeds keep us alive.

I’m Great

I’ve been loved and betrayed

Called a freak, fattu

Declared selfish

I have been chased by people

I have been experimented upon (yes, imagine that, being someone’s lab rat)

I have been admired and made fool of

I have been rejected

I have been laughed at, made fun of

I have been unheard

I have been let down

And I survived all of that

With a straight, even blank face,

Sometimes with a smile and silence

Sometimes with an act of compassion

Sometimes with a rhyme or a song without music

And today, in this moment

I am still myself, honest to my existence, my god

And it is what makes me me

It makes me great.

O There

O There

O there, my friend
Wherever you are in the midst of this infinite verse
Alone, or with someone
A friend, a foe, a stranger
I want to tell you
That my eyes have shed your tears,
Of joy and woe,
For you
I have lived you
So I want you to live
As yourself, for me, and more for yourself
Until death takes away your life
From this world
And from me
(your death will be mine too)
Or mine from you.

-RAJAT

Do you?

Do you?

Do you dream?
Not when you are asleep but when you are awake
Just sitting in a chair or on a stair
Or lying in bed, alone
Not busy staring at a screen
But just sitting,
Brooding, contemplating, ruminating, waiting
For a person, a moment
Or just with a blank mind
Your gaze careless, your mind relaxed
Your heart throbbing at its usual pace
Your nerves calm
In that moment of pure existence

What do you dream of?
What do you think about?
How do see yourself?
What do you think life is?
What do you want it to be?
Are you happy?
What would make you happy?
Are you alive?
What does it mean to be alive?
What is the meaning of this life?
What is the purpose of your existence?

Or do you just enjoy the moment’s existence
And your existence in it?

-RAJAT

A Night of Puking

I’ve been puking since last night
My stomach a battlefield
Of chemicals, acids, and shit
Grumbling, making noises and sending rotten gases up my throat
I couldn’t sleep all night
And my head ached and so did my stomach
And I wished someone was around to take care of me
Give me some medicine
Or just water, it would have been fine
But there was none
Not even the moon and stars in the sky
And it was cold, 10 degrees outside
Just me, my sickness, and the cold, silent, indifferent night
But it’s ok, I survived and that’s life.

What’s Up?

I had replied to all the texts
Reacted to the memes sent to me
Forwarded a few of them
And then acknowledged the replies to them,
I had checked and double-tapped pictures of random strangers
Posted some of my own having a good time
In my new goggles I had ordered online
Had a nice meal at a fast food joint
And come back home
When I saw my mate sitting on the couch alone
And I asked ‘What was up?’
‘Nothing.’

-RAJAT